by goodnatured » Thu Jan 10, 2008 01:08 am
I am going away for a week of training, I am not looking forward to it at all, but all the staff has to go through it, I just happen to be first, I want to get it out of the way. So, I have to figure out a way to be polite while these people that don't do my job tell me how to do my job better.
I will be taking my zoloft with me, over the last few years when I sit for a while in a classroom environment, my mind goes places that I wish it would not. I honestly can not control this crap, finally went to may doctor and got some medication.
Eventually it started happening on a daily basis at work, pretty wild stuff, I would have to get away from the scene to get it out of my head.
It is strange because it is never the same. Sometimes I get angry, sometimes just overly, overly thrilled, it is ridiculous, doctor said that I was bipolar, he tested me and I got a 9 out of 14, he says it is pretty severe. I have been okay for quite awhile now, but I will tell you the first time it happened it was a pretty crazy experience.
Has anyone dealt with anyone with bipolarism? I have always considered myself a pretty stable person, but this crap just takes control of my mind and goes places that are totally innappropriate at times.
I will be taking my zoloft with me, over the last few years when I sit for a while in a classroom environment, my mind goes places that I wish it would not. I honestly can not control this crap, finally went to may doctor and got some medication.
Eventually it started happening on a daily basis at work, pretty wild stuff, I would have to get away from the scene to get it out of my head.
It is strange because it is never the same. Sometimes I get angry, sometimes just overly, overly thrilled, it is ridiculous, doctor said that I was bipolar, he tested me and I got a 9 out of 14, he says it is pretty severe. I have been okay for quite awhile now, but I will tell you the first time it happened it was a pretty crazy experience.
Has anyone dealt with anyone with bipolarism? I have always considered myself a pretty stable person, but this crap just takes control of my mind and goes places that are totally innappropriate at times.
Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 12:11 pm Post Subject:
I think that we are all a little bipolar, they used to refer to it as PMS, remember? LOL
naaa they called bipolar, manic/depressive or depression...pms=putting up with mens s---, :D :DThey used to tell me I was the most patient person they knew
. Me too! and think I am but only with him and the kids...my husband was very very tempremental especially when he was younger (we've been married 30 years now he's 50)...We had some rough rough years, but he came to the realization if he wanted to keep me and his kids that his behavior would have to change, and it did, not over night mind you!After years of living with a tempermental man I am not anymore.I know I really need to get away.If I could be self supporting I would be think. There are lots of women I think that would rather live alone if they could be self supporting
Honey, you're breaking my heart! :( Is there no hope? No explaining or getting help of any kind? Does he know how unhappy you are? This explains your (maybe) impatience with your daughter? Please always know you can talk with us...and there are 'free' counseling that YOU can get to help yourself out...maybe that would be of help....oh man, I just want to hug you...here you go.aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggg....there any better?Please let us know if we can be of any help to you at all!
Who would have thought that I would find such great friends on an insurance forum?lol
Ain't life a kick? The Lord works in mysterious ways my friend.. :wink:Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 06:24 pm Post Subject:
Yes,your words make me feel like I am not so alone. Thanks for being there.Makes me all teary eyed. Thats one reason i try so hard on these on line ways to make money .If I could just find one that worked for me.For someone who has taken care of kids and men all her life not much I would be able to do off line. My feet are a mess.Can't stand a long time on them otherwise I think I would be fine.
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 02:55 am Post Subject:
We love you just the way you are hummingbird, so always know that when you are having a bad day, you internet buddies are here. Hell my four year old has imaginary friends and pets that I can't see, so I may as well have my internet friends that no one else can see, LOL.
I think sometimes in a household, you end up being the weakest one, no matter how hard you try, you take care of the kids, manage the house and still walked on like an old rug. A lot of women are in your shoes. I really don't understand it, because I will tell you honestly if they could live a week without you they would be lost and you would be much more appreciated.
I know it takes a lot for you to come on here and put it all out there like that, but if it makes you feel better, do it. Someday they will see, someday when they don't have you to talk down to or to walk on. I think that you need to let them know that this is how you feel. Kids only do it because they see dad getting away with it, they have probably seen this their whole lives, what a shame for you. You deserve respect, you take care of them, you gave birth to them and they should put you on a pedestal.
Isn't it a shame that you torture the one you love the most? Why do we as people think this is acceptable, when the one that would give their lives for us feel so devasted. I can not imagine the pain you go through. You can't imagine yourself with out them and you remember the little good that is left in them and you just pray that some day you will see that side again.
Just a few nice words would be nice coming out of his mouth right? Have you tried to talk to him when your alone? Does he realize that he is getting this bad? Maybe he has gotten so used to talking to you this way that it has just became habit and he don't realize it. I feel for you girl. One day you will have to make a decision, good or bad, you will find the strength to do it. Hang in there and come vent on us, we are here for you. :(
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 09:41 pm Post Subject:
Thank you Goodnatured.You are so right. I tried to tell my hubby that the kids don't respect me because he doesn't .He says thats bolonie! yes ,he says things that make me feel so small.I don't even like for my family to come over i never know when he will explode and embarrass me. he already blew up at my sister but she is a forgiving person much like myself.She only stayed mad a while at him.Made me feel so bad but she knew it was not my fault. The only reason i have stayed this long is for the kids and I have no way to support myself and he has a good side ,he does. For instance one day he comes home and tells me to go outside and move my car.I assumed it was blocking the drive way or his truck or something.I went and opened my door to get in my car and there sat a huge stuffed gorilla in boxer shorts holding a rose sitting in the drivers seat! happy Valintines.... So he does have a good side. Too bad I don't see it more often. Your words of kindness and understandimg mean so much to me.
Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 12:25 am Post Subject:
So he does have a good side, he needs to show it more often, you are his wife, he should be your best friend, there to support you. Maybe he will get the picture one of these days. He really needs to wake up and know what he has.
You know you can always come here, we will keep you pumped up. Hopefully, he will change some day because it is obvious, you are staying, because you are the staying type, loyalty and willing to see things through no matter how hard the circumstances. I admire that in you, but I hope it does not get to the point of abuse, I hope you start feeling better about yourself, let what he says go in one ear and out the other for your own peace of mind.
Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:01 am Post Subject:
Let me tell you a book that REALLY did help me and also helped turn our relationship around, ''The proper care and feeding of husbands''...If you were close I'd send it to you! but I'm sure the library has it, please pleae try and find it...you'd be surprised!
Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 04:34 pm Post Subject:
Thanks Lori.I wrote that down and will look for it at my local library when i get into town.Goodnatured,You are mostly right .I try my best to stick out things to the end .Sometimes it isn't possible even for me. he got verbally abusive once.I packed up and my 12 year old daughter did the same while he sat right on the couch. We left and went to my mother in-laws.Isn't that a hoot. My parents are both gone. He never tried to find or contac me from Fri. to Sunday .My 16 year old daughter called crying"when are you coming home?" My hubby finally called and laid this guilt thing on me about if our daughter commits suicide because of this it will be my fault.He made out like I was causing him so much trouble by leaving(the ways I won't go into here) I felt so trapped I came back.He then later told me he wanted me back but just did not want me to know .Thats why he used our daughter to get me home. My daughter was also a pain.She did not come with me because ,she says she is staying where ever her horses are...lol Thats why I have decided to try my best to stick it out till my youngest turns 18. Even she wants to leave.I think he does get the picture just does not have the control he needs to handle his anger.My 16 year old daughter is so much like him .So I get abuse from her also.It is getting to the point where the bad times are smothering out the good time.That is not a good thing. I used to feel like I would be half a person without him now I am feeling like I am half a person WITH him. Thanks for the invitation to come here to get pumped up.I will have to take you up on that....lol
Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 09:40 am Post Subject:
Ok you guys are freakin' me out playing avatar switch-er-roo! ha ha lol! (i know something is wrong with mine! I aven't figured it out yet---you know me the computer wiz---NOT)....
Alot of people wouldn't agree with this...but I do (staying till the kids are raised) as long as there isn't any abuse, you need to figure out a way to not 'take it'....I'm sure he loves you desparately, he seems to have trouble expressing it on a daily level...please do get the book I think you will find help in it...I've got two of her new ones for my birthday but haven't started them yet (''bad childhood good life'' and ''the proper care and feeding of marriage'') i'll let you know when I do what i think of them...
for what it's worth i think you're doing the right thing!
Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 08:22 pm Post Subject:
Hopefully this book will help you, I have never read it myself, but I would trust Lori's judgement.
I seen my mother deal with an abusive man, I have always been more independent and not tolerating of this behavior, just refuse to live miserably!!!!!
If I am not happy, I am out of there, I wish you all the luck in the world girl and admire your veriousity and determination, I am sure that you will work it out one way or another. I just don't like to here about you feeling a like a rug!!!!!
Hang in there and come see us, we will make you :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 05:37 pm Post Subject:
Thanks Lori,I will treasure that. And Goodnatured your words of kindness are also a gift to me. He says he loves me and he always says he is "sorry" But after hearing it for 23 years the words are beginning to sound mechanical and don't have any meaning for any more. The good is being covered over by the verbal abuse I hear just about every day. The screaming at me and the horrible insults. Thanks Guys you make my day!
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