by goodnatured » Thu Dec 13, 2007 12:48 am
Pretend Husband and Wife Jokes
Through a scheduling mix up, a man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. It's late, the train is full, and everyone else is already asleep. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."
Through a scheduling mix up, a man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. It's late, the train is full, and everyone else is already asleep. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 01:29 pm Post Subject:
The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.
None of the judge's yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted. The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.
The judge couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique. "Oh, there's not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office."
Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:29 pm Post Subject:
The barn of a farmer had burnt down and he asked the insurance man for 50 000 USD.
The insurance man "We do not give money, we build you a similar barn instead. The same goes for example with your car, if its stolen we just give you a similar car, same make, year and milage as your own car - no money.
Farmer "If that is your system I want to cancel my wifes insurance!"
Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:31 pm Post Subject:
An agent, broker, and actuary are all caught drinking smuggled liquor while staying in Saudi Arabia. Under Saudi law, simply possessing alcohol is an offense punishable by death.
However, the local prince is feeling generous that day, so he commutes the death sentence and instead sentences each to 20 lashes. After further thought, the prince does not want to offend the American government, so he also grants each a wish to ease their suffering.
The broker is punished first because he drank the most.
"What is your wish?", asks the saudi prince.
"I'd like to have a pillow on my back," replies the broker.
So a pillow is placed on his back, and the punishment begins. The pillow holds up for about 10 lashes, after which the broker screams out in pain.
The actuary had only a few drinks, so he is punished next.
"I'd like to have two pillows on my back," boldly states the actuary.
So two pillows are placed on his back, and the punishment begins. The pillows hold up for about 15 lashes, after which the actuary screams out in pain.
Finally, the agent steps forward. Of the three, he was the only one who didn't drink. The Saudi prince is impressed by this, and grants him two wishes.
The agent then states, "Well, for my first wish, I want to receive 100 lashes, not 20."
"Your courage is impressive," states the prince. "and for your second wish?"
"Strap the actuary onto my back", replies the agent.
Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:32 pm Post Subject:
A state adopts strict new insurance self study CE requirements for its agents. The tests they now require are very difficult, can take no more than an hour to complete, and must be taken at a certified testing center.
On the first day of the new requirements, an agent wanders into a testing center a half hour late.
"You'll never finish this test on time," the test administrator coldly states.
"Just give me the test," replies the agent, "I'll finish it."
Skeptically, the administrator gives the agent the test.
The time limit comes and passes and yet the agent still has not completed the test. Finally, a half hour after the test time limit, the agent brings his test up to the administrator, who is correcting a large stack of tests.
"You can't turn that in," states the test administrator, "you knew there was a time limit."
"Do you know who I am?" replies the agent.
"No", says the administrator.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???" the agent says more forcefully.
"No, and I really don't care" replies the administrator, slightly annoyed.
"Good," says the agent, who quickly shoves his test into the middle of the stack the administrator is correcting and walks out the door.
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