What is the process, step by step, when one contests the ben

I am reposting my question under new topic because I have not gotten a response in the other discussion. I just really need your expertise. I have read many of your answers and you really know your stuff. Anyway I live in NJ so hopefully you are familiar with our state laws. My father recently passed away and left my brother as beneficiary 100 percent. My father instructed him to split it with me. There is no issue there but he was separated from his wife of almost 20 years. She had actually just filed for divorce before he passed. They had not even been to court yet, all they had done was retained lawyers and a date for mediation had been set. My dad always had one of his kids from his first marriage at least as 50 percent on the policy and the wife on the other half. He got sick and couple weeks before he died he took her off completely. So now she contested us getting the Insurance. This woman is so greedy because she is already getting his large 401k, the house, and his pension. They do have one 17 yr old daughter but my dad obviously felt he was leaving her enough to support her. Anyway my questions are what is the procedure? Will it make it to court if she has no legal standing. I know it was her divorce lawyer that wrote the initial letter contesting it so I really don't think she knows the laws. Also was it against the law for him to change the beneficiary once she filed for divorce? It was through his work so it's not like a policy they purchased together even though I know NJ is not a community property state anyway. I just don't think it's fair she gets to tie up our money that our father wanted to make sure we received. We don't want to hire a lawyer yet because they want one third, over 100 grand. Why should we have to pay to get what's ours? Can she be held financially accountable for attorney fees if there is no legal basis for her contesting? I am sorry for all the questions in one shot. This is just a horrible situation and we are dealing with a horrible woman. She wouldn't even let us have his ashes for a service we had to pay for because she wouldn't. I hate to ask but do we have a right to at least half his ashes? I know that's not Insurance related. I hope to hear from you soon and have my mind put to ease a little.