Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 05:43 am Post Subject: Nice One !!!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honey moon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day.The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error,sent the email to the wrong address.
Meanwhile…somewhere in Houston… a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message,she screamed and then fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Date: Friday, October 13, 2004
Subject: I have Arrived!
Dearest Love:
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you.Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS …… Sure is hot down here!!
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 05:57 am Post Subject:
nice joke man..
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 06:11 am Post Subject: Non Veg Joke
If you ever get pulled over for speeding!
A police officer pulls a bloke over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended for speeding.
Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes mate. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.
Officer: There's a BODY in the BOOT?!?!?
Driver: Yes, mate.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his back up. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the inspector approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Inspector: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration papers.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your boot? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Boot is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the boot.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying bas**** told you I was speeding, as well
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 07:02 am Post Subject: HR's Love Letter
Sub: Offer of love!
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since
the 14th of October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held
between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, would like to present
myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and
depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon
completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training
and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover
to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be
shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might
take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded
enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 3 days of receiving this
letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further
notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if
you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 07:01 pm Post Subject: Bush
Once president Bush went to a school to interact with them. After a brief talk with the children he asked them if they have any question to ask him.
One boy raised his hand and stood up;
Bush: what's your name ?
John: john
Bush: what's your question?
John: sir I have three questions
1) why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO
2) where is Osama
3) why do America support Pakistan so much
Bush: you are an intelligent student john… (Just then the bell for recess rang)
oh dear students, we will continue after the recess is over.
After the recess
Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?
Peter raises his hand
Bush: What's your question?
Peter: sir I have 5 questions.
1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why do America support Pakistan so much
4) why did recess bell ring 20 mins before the scheduled time
5) Where is JOHN?
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 07:02 pm Post Subject: Bush
George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said: “I sure would like to go to Disneyland.” George said: “No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One.”
The second kid said: “I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's.” George said: “I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!”.
The third kid said: “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!” George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says: “But you don't look like you are injured.”
The kid says: “But I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!”
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 07:05 pm Post Subject: Couple !!!
A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven.
St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them.
Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.
He says, "I'm still working on it."
Two years pass by and no marriage.
St. Peter again assures them that he's working on it.
Finally after twenty long years, St. Peter comes running with a priest and tells the couple it's time for their wedding.
The couple marry and live happily for a while. But after a few months the couple go and find St. Peter and tell him things are not working out, and that they want to get a divorce.
"Can you arrange it for us?" they ask.
St. Peter replies, "Are you kidding?!! It took me twenty years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?"
Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 06:31 pm Post Subject: Hey Come on Guyz....
Add Some more cool jokes ....
Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 06:52 pm Post Subject: Spicy Non Veg Joke...
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid replies, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the d*ck underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 06:56 pm Post Subject: Spicy Non Veg Joke...
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.
One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day banging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.
"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 05:43 am Post Subject: Nice One !!!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honey moon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day.The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error,sent the email to the wrong address.
Meanwhile…somewhere in Houston… a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message,she screamed and then fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Date: Friday, October 13, 2004
Subject: I have Arrived!
Dearest Love:
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you.Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS …… Sure is hot down here!!
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 05:57 am Post Subject:
nice joke man..
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 06:11 am Post Subject: Non Veg Joke
If you ever get pulled over for speeding!
A police officer pulls a bloke over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended for speeding.
Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes mate. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.
Officer: There's a BODY in the BOOT?!?!?
Driver: Yes, mate.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his back up. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the inspector approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Inspector: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration papers.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your boot? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Boot is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the boot.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying bas**** told you I was speeding, as well
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 07:02 am Post Subject: HR's Love Letter
Sub: Offer of love!
Ref: Meeting in coffee shop
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am pleased to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since
the 14th of October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held
between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, would like to present
myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and
depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon
completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training
and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover
to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be
shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might
take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded
enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 3 days of receiving this
letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further
notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if
you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 07:01 pm Post Subject: Bush
Once president Bush went to a school to interact with them. After a brief talk with the children he asked them if they have any question to ask him.
One boy raised his hand and stood up;
Bush: what's your name ?
John: john
Bush: what's your question?
John: sir I have three questions
1) why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO
2) where is Osama
3) why do America support Pakistan so much
Bush: you are an intelligent student john… (Just then the bell for recess rang)
oh dear students, we will continue after the recess is over.
After the recess
Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?
Peter raises his hand
Bush: What's your question?
Peter: sir I have 5 questions.
1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO
2) Where is Osama?
3) Why do America support Pakistan so much
4) why did recess bell ring 20 mins before the scheduled time
5) Where is JOHN?
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 07:02 pm Post Subject: Bush
George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said: “I sure would like to go to Disneyland.” George said: “No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One.”
The second kid said: “I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's.” George said: “I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!”.
The third kid said: “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!” George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says: “But you don't look like you are injured.”
The kid says: “But I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!”
Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 07:05 pm Post Subject: Couple !!!
A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven.
St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them.
Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.
He says, "I'm still working on it."
Two years pass by and no marriage.
St. Peter again assures them that he's working on it.
Finally after twenty long years, St. Peter comes running with a priest and tells the couple it's time for their wedding.
The couple marry and live happily for a while. But after a few months the couple go and find St. Peter and tell him things are not working out, and that they want to get a divorce.
"Can you arrange it for us?" they ask.
St. Peter replies, "Are you kidding?!! It took me twenty years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?"
Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 06:31 pm Post Subject: Hey Come on Guyz....
Add Some more cool jokes ....
Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 06:52 pm Post Subject: Spicy Non Veg Joke...
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid replies, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the d*ck underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 06:56 pm Post Subject: Spicy Non Veg Joke...
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.
One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day banging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.
"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."
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