FAIR VALUE ACCOUNTING (Insurance Jokes)

Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 03:21 am Post Subject:

LOL, that is a good one

Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 03:24 am Post Subject:

Recently, a group of computer scientists (all male) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follows:

Five reasons to believe computers are female:

No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male.

Their reasons follow:

They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 03:28 am Post Subject:

Here is a test for you.

How long did the Hundred Years War last?
Which country makes Panama hats?
From which animal do we get catgut?
In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
What is a camel's hair brush made of?
The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
What was King George VI's first name?
What color is a purple finch?
Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
How long did the Thirty Years War last?
And now the answers...


116 years, from 1337 to 1453.
Ecuador.
From sheep and horses.
November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.
Squirrel fur.
The Latin name was Insularia Canaria - Island of the Dogs.
Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish of Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be called Albert.
Distinctively crimson.
New Zealand.
Thirty years, of course. From 1618 to 1648.

Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 03:30 am Post Subject:

The Lord said to Noah, "In six months, I'm going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark."
Six months passed. The skies began to cloud and rain began to fall.

Noah sat in his front yard, weeping.

"Why haven't you built the ark?" asked the Lord.

"Oh, forgive me," said Noah. "I did my best, but so many things happened.

"The blueprints you gave me didn't meet the city's code and I had to change them. Then the city said I was violating the zoning ordinance by building an ark in my front yard, so I had to get a varience..

"The Forest Service required tree-cutting permits, and I was sued by a state animal rights group when I tried to gather up the animals.

"The EPA required an environmental impact statement concerning the flood. the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plain.

"The IRS seized all my assets, claiming I was trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and the Equal Opportunity Commission said I wasn't hiring enough Croatians.

"I'm sorry, Lord, but I can't finish the ark for at least five years."

Suddenly the rain stopped, the skies cleared and the sun began to shine.

Noah looked up and said, "Lord, does this mean you're not going to devastate the earth?"

"Right," said the Lord. "The government already has."

Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 03:31 am Post Subject:

Last one, another test.

If you went to bed at 8 o'clock at night and wound up your clock alarm to get you up at 9 o'clock the next morning, how many hours sleep would you get?
Do they have a 4th of July in England?
How many birth days does the average man have?
Why can't a man living in Winston-Salem, NC, be buried west of the Mississippi River?
If you had only one match and entered a room in which there was a kerosene lamp, an oil heater, and a woodburning stove, which would you light first?
Some months have 30 days, some have 31; how many months have 28 days?
If a doctor gave you 3 pills and told you to take one every half hour, how long would they last you?
A man builds a house and all four sides have a southern exposure. A bear wanders by - what color is the bear?
How far can a dog run into the woods?
What four words appear on every denomination of U.S. coins?
In baseball, how many outs in an inning?
I have in my hand only 2 U.S. coins which total 55 cents in value. One is not a nickel. What are the coins?
A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many did he have left?
Divide 30 by 1/2 and add ten. What is the answer?
Two men were playing checkers. Each played five games and each man won the same number of games. No draws. How can this be?
Take two apples from three apples and what do you have?
An archaeologist claimed he found some coins of gold dated to 46 B.C. Do you think he did?
How many animals of each species did Moses take aboard the Ark with him?
Is it legal in California for a man to marry his widow's sister?
The answers to the above are below:


1 hour of sleep. Wind up clocks don't have am/pm settings.
Yes, and a 5th, a 6th, ...
1
He could be buried alive but that would be awful.
Light the match first.
All 12 have 28 days
1 hour
White. The North Pole is the only place where all four sides face south.
halfway, then he would be running out of the woods.
In God We Trust
6 outs per inning
A half-dollar and a nickel. (Only one was not a nickel)
9 sheep
70
They weren't playing against each other
2 apples
How can coins be dated B.C. if the designation didn't exist until A.D.
I thought Noah brought 2 of each animal, not Moses
No. Can't marry someone if you're dead.

Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 04:47 am Post Subject:

Divide 30 by 1/2 and add ten. What is the answer?

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 05:27 am Post Subject:

1 Lawyer on the moon is a problem.
10 Lawyers on the moon is a problem.
100 Lawyers on the moon is a problem.
1000 Lawyers on the moon is a problem.
All the Lawyers on the moon? Problem solved.


Two men are in a cafeteria talking, and one of them says "Here, I came into a lot of money recently, my house caught fire and I got 200k on the insurance!"
The other man says "That's nothing, a hurricane destroyed my house and I got 400k in insurance!"
The second man thinks for a second and says "How did you start a hurricane?"

This one is my favorite.

A man walks to the top of Mt. Sinai to speak with God as Moses did. When he got there, he called out to God.
"God! What is creating the Universe to you?"
"A snap of my fingers."
"God! How long is a million years to you?"
"A minute." replies the Almighty.
"God! How much is a billion dollars to you?"
"A penny."
"God! Can I have a penny?"
"In a minute."

Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 08:15 am Post Subject: Affinity Accounting Plus

What is the meaning of fair value accounting? Will you explain about it? Affinity Accounting Plus